Health Schmealth

Ok ok ok uncle. Don't panic. Not just yet anyway. Because there is hope. Quit everything you do that's baaaad for you and then where are you? Same place you started from. Seriously, I'll be coherent now for a bit. Mostly because I expend such a high percentage of my available energy capital on pain. How? By having to always be multi-tasking psychologically just like everyone does that's normal. But when pain becomes severe, that becomes less and less possible. I guess you pass out at the extreme level. 10 of 10 on the dreaded pain estimation scale. Worst imaginable. Better be on a  Fentanyl/Cyanide drip at that point. And fade away with the pain. Like an old soldier. We never die we just fade away. 

So now that I watered my garden and turned off the hose, I've settled into my chair for some much needed relief. Now I'd think would be a grand time and opportunity to ask that folks don't and then it hit me. Like a ton of bricks 🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱 right to the face. What since we've already checked off the why, what then, what? What is the what this time? The final realization that the dying sequence is about to or has commenced. 

So, it's high time I measure my stamina. I should, all things equal, be able to walk a half a mile without looking forward this much to sitting down at a picnic table on my route. That's the reference point. Or goal. Walk to the picnic table without stopping to take a break. If I can accomplish that, and stop 🚬 I should , over the summer, be able to breeze past the table and complete the circuit without any trouble. So here, I must say that the Trajectory of it all is downward at this point so for what it's worth, my right calf and buttock are beginning to cramp. That's not a good sign at all because that's a new issue on the heels of recently not being able to fully flex or contract them lest they wanna cramp up. That seems like an electrolyte issue to me. But I'm no doctor. My recent labs checked out as did an Echocardiogram except for a 4.5cm aneurysm in my ascending aorta. And some calcification somewhere. They're just gonna annually monitor that and if it grows then they can go in and stent it up to prevent it from rupturing. If that happens, that's that. Goodnight. Even if it leaks I'm still a gonner it'll just be more excruciating. Until you pass out and fucking die why? No I'm not angry. Not about that of course, that'd be absurd. What does anger me, though, is a topic of concern and bears the merit to discuss. And that is this whole business of well, actually, I'm not so sure Im wanting to go there in full measure at this juncture. So I'll take a rain check. 

Meanwhile, while I figure out what to eat and end my water fast already, here's an oil Painting I did for practice. I know it cracked a little but it's my very first attempt. Lol.

Of course I'm joking around 🤣 it's actually dried yogurt in a purple ceramic bowl. Maybe that DeSantis guy can paint with his pudding hands using fresh yogurt. On canvas. Hahaha. 

So, yeah, that mind mapping shit works well to exercise my shrinking, damaged brain. I've been using that brainstorming technique for as long as I can remember no wait, no, I didn't really start using it until years after I left the service. I'd heard about it but hadn't really learned about it formally until returning to college. Maybe when I was a freshman at Iowa State University I used it a little. I know one thing, that's the year I dreamed up the concept of and I'll stop there. For now. 

Let's surf over to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary 

To find definitions click on or touch anywhere on this colored sentence.

Okay, now that I've forgotten what word I was gonna look up, let's just soldier on. I'm gonna anyway. It'll come back to me 

Nope, still can't recall after reviewing what I just wrote. Retracing my steps whatever you care to call it. 

What I'm on about when I mention this grand delusional idea I had back in 2003 as a freshman at the local University goes something like this. 

I'll try and explain it.

So imagine a bulletin board on a wall. Ok. Now imagine a computer monitor. 

So far, so good. 

I'm gonna go eat a few banana 🍌's and shit, I left those two sirloin strip 🥩 steaks I got from Fareway over at Susan's place. That sucks. Shoulda cooked em last night. Instead she cooked chicken 🍗 legs and rice. Lemme go message her and ask why she harped at me for eating all the popsicles when she holds those steaks I mean fair is fair eh? 😂. I'ma call her out on that in a nice way. 

Damn I'm grouchy. No, just don't like bullshit